“Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses.”
Then two children were killed by crocodiles by our Mission’s
bush school. Both of them students at the school. The whole community is
obviously devastated and on edge and we are trying to assist and help however
we can- by hunting the crocodile, by starting a bridge project- however we can!
Amidst all of this, and on top of our normal daily stresses,
surgeries for parents back home in Canada, travelling to South Africa, and
trying to keep up with two very active kids, we had a very personal tragedy
occur.
As many of you know, 11 years ago I was diagnosed with
Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which aside from causing rapid weight gain
and making it nearly impossible for me to lose that weight, also made it
impossible for me to get pregnant.
Although various treatments exist- none are covered by insurance (or at
least were not at that point) and some the Doctors thought would not help me
anyways. The only one we could try had a high likelihood of resulting in a
multiple pregnancy (twins or more) and living in the African bush having a high
risk pregnancy was not recommended by ANYONE- nor desired by me!
I tried to lose weight for many years, which was the only
thing the doctors could recommend to try to reverse the affects of the PCOS.
Nothing seemed to work. Rick and I had
given up on any hope of getting pregnant, and decided instead to pursue our
dream of adopting children instead (we had always wanted to adopt, whether we
had biological children or not). God has blessed us with two gorgeous children,
who although not born with our DNA, are definitely born of our Hearts.
Wanting to get healthy for my own self and also to be a good
example for the kids, and after struggling for a long time, my doctor
prescribed a medication that helped me to lose weight- but only if I put in the
effort to excersize daily and eat very healthily!
In early March I started having some strange symptoms, that
I could not explain, but I thought they were related to my PCOS. As soon as we
were in South Africa I went to the Doctor where they did some blood tests.
Imagine my shock… our shock… when they informed us four days later that we were
pregnant! It was almost too good to be true! Based on the symptoms I had been
experiencing I was SURE it couldn’t be true, so I asked them to please do
another test to confirm. They did, and as it turns out, although I HAD been
pregnant, I had miscarried. Of course we were devastated. Confused. Why would
God allow us to get Pregnant and then allow a miscarriage when we had
completely given up on that dream?! Here
was this giant Rose smack in the middle of a huge and very prickly thorn patch!
So many of you have prayed for us over the years, prayed for healing for my
body, prayed for me to get pregnant . Ive celebrated with so many of my good
friends, all the while knowing they were trying to be sensitive to the fact
that they were experiencing something I thought I never would.
While this is an intensely personal, emotionally, physically
and yes, even, financially draining time, a time full of thorns nearly every
where we look- Im choosing to focus on the Rose- the fact that I can get
pregnant- something I had completely given up on! Not only that, but the last
doctor I saw could not see ANY cysts on the ultrasound screen… none at all. I
of course will wait for a second opinion but to be told after YEARS .. 11 years
to be exactof being told I had many many cysts , to now be told he cant see ANY- its
definitely a miracle! Both Dr.s feel that the weight loss I was able to
accomplish over the past year is the deciding factor in the cysts disappearance
(Im thinking God had a hand too!)
We are not sure what the future holds- we are not sure If we
will ever get pregnant again, but we are trusting God, that He knows what is
best. Please pray for us as we process this loss- it was so so so very hard to
find out we were a month pregnant but had lost the baby all within 24 hours- I
felt like I had no time to process either event, and still feel rather like it
has been a whirlwind that I was completely unprepared for.
I have had a few minor complications, which seem to have
resolved themselves, but There are a few key things the doctors would like to see
clear up soon or else I will need to go to South Africa or Zimbabwe for further tests and
possibly surgery. Please pray that this will not be neccesarry- we are
stressed, in just about every way (physically, emotionally, financially) as it
is! We are planning to take a few holiday days in the next few months… purely
to refresh and relax and try to unwind…. Its been a tough month for us all!
Your prayers are appreciated.
Blessings, Heather
p.s. if you have suffered a miscarriage, or supported
someone who has you know the myriad of emotions that occur. The joy, fear,
shame, pain, dread, hope, sadness-it all comes and it hits hard. I hope that my story can give hope to others
who may be going thru the same thing, I hope that the thorns will not be my
focal point, as devastating as they are, because there is a beautiful Rose to
focus on… even if I don’t know what the
future holds.
"I may not know what the future holds, but I know WHO holds the future."
